Natasha Helfer Parker
When people run into relational, emotional, personal and/or medical problems they have the option to seek help from priesthood leaders/clergy, physicians and professional therapists. We need to remain cognizant as members and as leaders within our church that although priesthood leaders have a spiritual mantle and can be incredibly useful to those they counsel, they are not trained professionals in the mental health arena. Members need to be willing to seek professional help. Heavenly Father expects us to take advantage of current technology and resources that He has blessed us with as part of developing our problem solving skills.
The main purposes of most therapy styles are:
- offering an objective and professional opinion to the situation at hand
- offering education regarding “normal” versus “abnormal” or “dysfunctional” patterns of behavior
- helping change cognitive patterns that are not useful to a productive lifestyle (changing the way we think about things)
- mediating between family members (i.e. spouses, parent-child, etc.) if more than one person is involved in therapy
- setting goals that are specific to certain behaviors we want to eliminate or begin
- offering accountability
- helping identify intergenerational/cultural patterns that may or may not be positive
Whether or not therapy will be useful depends largely on the motivation of the client to want change, on the relationship between the therapist and client being one where the client can feel safe but challenged simultaneously, and the amount of time dedicated to the therapeutic process to take place. Therapy is not a magical solution. It takes hard work, dedication, and a willingness to be self-aware. However, research has shown that therapy can and has been highly beneficial for many people facing a variety of issues ranging from depression, addiction, abuse, anxiety, communication problems, anger management, sexual disorders, low self-esteem, etc. Revisiting the past can be beneficial in that it brings up negative patterns you may be currently repeating, it allows for a “venting” and getting negative feelings of anger, resentment, or hurt validated by the therapist, and it can also help self-awareness of the client. It can be normal at times to feel worse directly after a therapy session just because the things spoken about were heavy, difficult or upsetting. The benefits to therapy are usually seen after at least 6 to 12 sessions (depending somewhat on the situations being dealt with).
Finding ways to pay for therapy can be challenging. There are many clinics that offer fees based on “ability to pay” sliding scales, usually found through community resources in your specific geographic area. If you live near a university/college that offers a therapy program in your area, they many times offer reduced rates through student clinics that are supervised by professors. Sometimes bishops will be willing to offset some of the cost to therapy depending on the financial situation at hand. The best thing you can do is start asking around and gather information.
Finding a good therapist who is qualified and with whom you are comfortable with is crucial to your ultimate success. Therapy needs to be a place where everyone involved feels heard, validated, safe, challenged and encouraged. In marital therapy it is important that neither partner feel ganged up against. I tell my couples that there may be specific times when a person feels this way, especially if we are currently working on issues that relate more to one than to another. But if a person feels sided against session after session, then this becomes highly unproductive and should be addressed immediately.
Some of what will make you feel comfortable with a therapist, is completely out of anyone’s control. Some examples include the gender of the therapist, the therapist’s personality traits, the therapist’s age or religious/personal background, their style/training regarding therapy, etc. But these can be important factors as to whether or not you feel comfortable and should be considered in making your choice. Some members are not comfortable seeing a therapist who is not LDS. However, good therapists are trained to respect and incorporate the religious values of their clients. There are many LDS members who have had very productive and respectful therapy done with therapists not of our faith.
You may not find the right therapist the first time. If this is the case I hope you will not give up on the process but be persistent until you’re able to find the right fit.
AAMFT (American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy) can be a good starting place to find a licensed therapist in your area who is specifically trained in doing couples work (it does have international resources as well as in the USA). It is important when seeking a therapist who is going to work with more than one person, that you make sure this person has been trained in seeing more than one person in their office at a time. Systems therapy training (which includes marital and family therapy) is very different from individual therapy training. Make sure you ask about the training background of the therapist you choose.
Asking your physician, bishop, family or friends for referrals is another route to finding someone you can trust.
It is important to be willing to take personal accountability throughout the therapy process. Although the ultimate goal of therapy is to achieve a better and healthier relationship, lifestyle, etc.; the process can sometimes be painful and challenging. Blaming the therapist at these times of productive discomfort is not useful to achieving the goals you set to begin with. Being comfortable with the therapist is important – but everyone entering therapy should understand that the therapist’s role includes challenging unproductive, incorrect or unethical behavior. Hopefully this is done in a way that the clients can respect and be open to.
